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December 25, 2006
The Telepathic Tabernacle Holiday Bowls - Week Two
Seven bowl games are in the books and already it's evident those books should be burned. The Telepathic Tabernacle has been noted for their keen judgment and ability to see through the haze of college football's bowl season - but that was back in 1999 when the mind was sharp and the knee was not trick. Now there are 32 bowl games and darned if the TeleTab can keep them all straight with Whozit State playing Whatzit Tech in the Thingamabobby Bowl. But that is no excuse for mediocrity. No, "the dog ate the homework" should do nicely there. The fact of the matter is that there is no way a Sun Belt team wins a bowl game and yet, there it was last week when Troy was doing some nasty things to Rice. Then there is Northern Illinois and Orgon - the Tab doesn't even want to go there - that was beyond nasty in both cases. But this is Week Two and although Week One was ugly, at least the Tab was still within shouting distance of mediocrity - and at least that's something to shoot for in these noggy holidays. Welcome to Week Two of the Tab's 2006 Holiday Bowl Game Extravaganza.
"Ted Nugent" Motor City Bowl
Central Michigan [9-4] v. Middle Tennessee State [7-5]
Line: Central Michigan by 9
Straight Up - Central Michigan
Against The Spread - CMU
Tab Sez: The Tab could not take all these hurtful comments from the boss and was praying for the weekend - then Troy happened. But the Tab figures that was a one-time only Sun Belt happening - and we are going with CMU to win and cover.
Florida State [6-6] v. UCLA [7-5]
Line: UCLA by 4.5
Straight Up - UCLA
Against The Spread - UCLA
Tab Sez: What's in San Francisco this week? A team from Los Angeles and a team from Florida - not exactly much the locals to root for there so the Tab will make it easy and pick UCLA to win and cover because their pastel color scheme matches the décor of the wine cellar.
Independence "Holiday Fruitcake" Bowl
Alabama [6-6] v. Oklahoma State [6-6]
Line: Oklahoma State by 2.5
Straight Up - Oklahoma State
Against The Spread - OSU
Tab Sez: The loser of this bowl is guaranteed to be a loser - no kidding, it's really the Loser Bowl! The Tab takes OSU to be less of a loser.
California [9-3] v. Texas A&M [9-3]
Line: California by 5
Straight Up - California
Against The Spread - Cal
Tab Sez: Here we go again. Two years ago, California had the opportunity to play for the Pac-10 conference and dropped the ball. This year, the Bears get a second chance and Marshawn Lynch gets the call.
Rutgers [10-2] v. Kansas State [7-5]
Line: Rutgers by 7
Straight Up - Rutgers
Against The Spread - Rutgers
Tab Sez: The Tab just loves saying "Rutgers". The word just oozes something that comes out of a grainy, black and white 16mm film. Rutgers had a near-miss at a bowl win last year - they should get the job done this year.
Music City Bowl
Clemson [8-4] v. Kentucky [7-5]
Line: Clemson by 10
Straight Up - Clemson
Against The Spread - Kentucky
Tab Sez: Once again, the overrated Tigers are being given the benefit of a Bowden at the helm - that seems to be the only way to explain this large and unwieldy line. The Tab doesn't really like Ken-Yucky that much - but likes them much better with 10 points in our pockets.
Oregon State [9-4] v. Missouri [8-4]
Line: Oregon State by 3
Straight Up - Oregon State
Against The Spread - OSU
Tab Sez: Purdue goes to bowl games, Purdue loses bowl games, end of story. The Tab takes OSU to win this game and cover that meager spread.
South Carolina [7-5] v. Houston [10-3]
Line: South Carolina by 7
Straight Up - South Carolina
Against The Spread - Houston
Tab Sez: It would be a miracle on 34th Street if South Carolina covered this spread. The Tab takes the other Cougars to cover.
Minnesota [6-6] v. Texas Tech [7-5]
Line: Texas Tech by 7
Straight Up - Texas Tech
Against The Spread - Minnesota
Tab Sez: You better not pout, you better not cry, the Tab is tellin' you why - because we are not impressed with Texas Tech and their entire Big 12 conference and Santa is certainly not comin' to town for them. Minnesota is not exactly a holiday juggernaut, but the Tab feels better going with the Gophers.
Maryland [8-4] v. Purdue [8-5]
Line: Purdue by 1
Straight Up - Maryland
Against The Spread - Maryland
Tab Sez: Nobody can make up their minds about this game - the line started out 2.5 points in Maryland's favor and has now migrated over to Purdue while some see it as a PK. Not the Tab.
Meinecke "Lube Job" Bowl
Navy [9-3] v. Boston College [9-3]
Line: Boston College by 6
Straight Up - Boston College
Against The Spread - BC
Tab Sez: BC is 5-0 in the last five years yeah, yeah, we know you know, but we just want to make sure you were not falling asleep in mid-bowl mode.
Iowa [6-6] v. Texas [9-3]
Line: Texas by 10.5
Straight Up - Texas
Against The Spread - Iowa
Tab Sez: The Tab is not in the habit of substituting for spurious Santa Clauses, but Iowa should be thanking Santa for this X-mas gift of a bowl and subsequent extension of the season for them. Otherwise, how in the world could the Hawkeyes have talked their way into a bowl? Our puzzlers were sore even trying to think of that but now that they are here, might as well cover the spread.
Chick fil-A Bowl
Virginia Tech [10-2] v. Georgia [8-4]
Line: Virginia Tech by 2.5
Straight Up - Virginia Tech
Against The Spread - V-Tech
Tab Sez: Finally! The first bowl game we remotely care about in over a week. No, not really - ha ha - fooled ya! - and it's not even April 1st!
Boise "MPC Computers" Bowl
Nevada [8-4] v. Miami [6-6]
Line: Miami by 3.5
Straight Up - Miami
Against The Spread - Nevada
Tab Sez: Okay, look, nobody wants to be here. Not the fans from anywhere other than Boise, not Nevada - who can get weather like this, only without the blue turf and with the buffet special and loose slots - and certainly not Miami, who has better things to do than to spend their New Year's Eve in Boise.
Straight Up: 3-4
Agaisnt The Spread: 3-4
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