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QB


Tim Teabag
Height: 6-foot-3
Weight: 229 pounds
Hometown: St. Augustine, FL

Teabag takes over at quarterback, replacing four-year starter and special ed student Chris Leak. Teabag is a well-rounded quarterback who possesses the speed of a fullback, the arm of a shot-putter and the brains of a squirrel. Timmy is a Leo who enjoys coloring books and long walks on the beach with head coach Urban Meyer.

RB


Anonymous
Height: 5-foot-9 or 10
Weight: about 190 pounds or so
Hometown: Hawgtown, these days

Really doesn't matter. Someone will start, then be unceremoniously yanked and replaced by someone equally inept. In the end, Percy Harvin and Teabag will carry the ball 90% of the time.

WR


Andre Caldwell
Height: 6-foot-1
Weight: 200 pounds
Hometown: Tampa, FL

Known affectionately to his teammates as "Bubba" ("Just like one o' them redneck boys. Can you believe that?"), he is widely known to fans as "the one that wasn't good enough to jump to the NFL." According to his brother, Reche, "He's no Reche."

WR


Louis Murphy
Height: 6-foot-3
Weight: 190 pounds
Hometown: St. Petersburg, FL

Yeah, we've never heard of him either.

WR


Percy Harvin
Height: 5-foot-11
Weight: 178 pounds
Hometown: Virginia Beach, VA

The talent. If anything happens to this kid, the Gators couldn't find the endzone with three roadmaps, an advanced GPS system and a full search party. Folks all over hawgtown are pouring into churches in droves, praying for the health of Harvin's bones, muscles and joints. Alachua County State Attorney Cervone has purchased two new document shredders "just in case."

TE


Cornelius Ingram
Height: 6-foot-4
Weight: 225 pounds
Hometown: Hawthorne, FL

The former quarterback recruit recently received a note on University of Illinois Athletics Department stationary that read, "Just kidding."

OL


Jason Watkins
Height: 6-foot-6
Weight: 160 pounds
Hometown: Lakeland, FL

This is what stands between Teabag and large, angry men looking to visit harm upon him. Let us pray...

OL


Maurkice Pouncey
Height: 6-foot-4
Weight: 311 pounds
Hometown: Lakeland, FL

Hey hey hey! "Timmy, I'll protect your back. You have my word. And I think you know how much my word is worth."

OL


Jim Tart
Height: 6-foot-3
Weight: 305 pounds
Hometown: Sopchoppy, FL

That hometown: we're not makin' that up. According to head coach Urban Meyer, "I like the way he talks and he likes the way I talk." Tart enjoys biscuits and mustard, mm-hmm.

OL


Carlton Medder
Height: 6-foot-5
Weight: 320 pounds
Hometown: Clermont, FL

Medder still can't believe it's not butter.

OL


Drew Miller
Height: 6-foot-5
Weight: 292 pounds
Hometown: Sarasota, FL

According to head coach Urban Meyer, "He's large." Once ate a box of chocolates and opined, "That Forrest Gump is full of ----."

K


Chris Hetland
Height: 6-foot-0
Weight: 184 pounds
Hometown: Leesburg, GA

No, he's not 13.

DE


Jermaine Cunningham
Height: 6-foot-4
Weight: 212 pounds
Hometown: Stone Mountain, GA

Says head coach Urban Meyer of Cunningham, "Who?"

DE


Derrick Harvey
Height: 6-foot-4
Weight: 260 pounds
Class Year: Jr
Experience: 2V
Hometown: Greenbelt, MD

Never before has any player ever garnered as much hype from one performance than Harvey for his performance in the Fiesta Bowl. Says head coach Urban Meyer, "If I'd known he could play like that, maybe I'd have actually suspended Moss per team policy for failing drug tests."

DT


Clint McMillan
Height: 6-foot-1
Weight: 282 pounds
Hometown: Oviedo, FL

Start sucking up to him now. By this time next year, he'll be the man to see for a great deal on a used car.

DT


Height: 6-foot-1
Weight: 280 pounds
Hometown: Miami, FL

We know what you're thinking: Two defensive tackles at 6'1"? Yeah, we're thinking the same thing. But, hey, 6'1" wasn't a bad height when we were hyping him as the linebacker of the future.

LB


John Jones
Height: 6-foot-3
Weight: 205 pounds
Hometown: Sarasota, FL

There's a reason no photo is available.

LB


Dustin Doe
Height: 6-foot-2
Weight: 206 pounds
Hometown: Jasper, FL

At least he gets a photo.

LB


Brandon Spikes
Height: 6-foot-4
Weight: 235 pounds
Hometown: Shelby, NC

Yeah, you're reading through the linebackers and get as far as Brandon S. and you think they'll be okay, but then you see that it doesn't end with "iler" and, well, it is what it is. That hair really isn't inspiring confidence, either.

CB


Markihe Anderson
Height: 5-foot-10
Weight: 170 pounds
Hometown: Fort Meyers, FL

We could have put in a photo of pretty much anyone and you'd never have known the difference.

CB


Wondy Pierre-Louis
Height: 6-foot-0
Weight: 175 pounds
Hometown: Naples, FL

He's got it all: the name, the hair...

S


Tony Joiner
Height: 5-foot-11
Weight: 200 pounds
Hometown: Haines City, FL

Also known as "the DB you've heard of before."

S


Kyle Jackson
Height: 6-foot-0
Weight: 200 pounds
Hometown: Neptune Beach, FL

Narrowly edged out Bubba Caldwell as player voted "Looks Most Like Lon Cheney".
8/31 10:26 AM | IP: Loggedlaughlaugh

Posted on 8/31 10:36 AM | IP: Logged

Classic! roll



Posted on 8/31 10:36 AM | IP: Logged

roll

Seriously, though... no way that team repeats.



Posted on 8/31 10:37 AM | IP: Logged

roll
roll
roll



Posted on 8/31 10:37 AM | IP: Logged

I got a good laugh out of that.

Posted on 8/31 10:40 AM | IP: Logged

Is that a scrunchie in Harris's hair?



Posted on 8/31 10:41 AM | IP: Logged

I think I just pi$$ed my pants from laughing. This one's a classic.

laugh

Posted on 8/31 10:41 AM | IP: Logged

OMG OMG... ROFL... rollrollroll

I was laughing out loud on that one. That was great. 5 stars!



Posted on 8/31 10:42 AM | IP: Logged

CB


Markihe Anderson
Height: 5-foot-10
Weight: 170 pounds
Hometown: Fort Meyers, FL

We could have put in a photo of pretty much anyone and you'd never have known the difference.




laugh Classic.



Posted on 8/31 10:47 AM | IP: Logged

Any time is a good time to make fun of the gates! Great work cro!



Posted on 8/31 10:48 AM | IP: Logged

Thank you for that

Posted from wireless.rivals.com



Posted on 8/31 10:51 AM | IP: Logged

My Friday morning feels much better now. roll

Posted on 8/31 10:51 AM | IP: Logged

That WR Murphy is preety damn good. We were recruting him hard.

Posted on 8/31 10:52 AM | IP: Logged





Posted on 8/31 10:57 AM | IP: Logged

Hope this Roster is more accurate than the WV roster you linked.laugh



Posted on 8/31 10:58 AM | IP: Logged

LMAO



Posted on 8/31 10:58 AM | IP: Logged

Cro comes through again.



Posted on 8/31 10:59 AM | IP: Logged

If this doesn't get Tomahawked, I don't know what will

Great stuff cromag!



Posted on 8/31 11:01 AM | IP: Logged

Great stuff.

Posted on 8/31 11:03 AM | IP: Logged


Originally posted by LilNoles2006:
roll

Seriously, though... no way that team repeats.


You were refering to SEC Champs right, because a NC shouldn't even come up in casual conversation with this line up? Pre-season #6, really!?...wow!

Posted on 8/31 11:06 AM | IP: Logged

Damn that was funny. Nice work.

Posted on 8/31 11:07 AM | IP: Logged


I didn't making it past the first profile before spitting coffee all over the laptop I was working on. That was great!



Posted on 8/31 11:10 AM | IP: Logged

top 1 % of the 1%



Posted on 8/31 11:10 AM | IP: Logged

Nice work Cro!

roll



Posted on 8/31 11:12 AM | IP: Logged

I may be wrong here but we did not recruit Louis Murphy very hard at all if at all!? I coach in Pinellas County and that kid was a waste of a scholly IMHO. He had some "look test" but he was a distraction to his team and went off on coaches and players after we spanked them. I still cannot believe he has the scholly much less is listed as a starter!?

Posted on 8/31 11:13 AM | IP: Logged

Thanks for the comic relief.roll



Posted on 8/31 11:13 AM | IP: Logged

Another classic by Cromag! Thanks man! Now I know the season has started!

Posted on 8/31 11:17 AM | IP: Logged

One of the best posts I've seen on this board. Bravo!!!!!

Posted on 8/31 11:20 AM | IP: Logged

Ugh. Caldwell's eyes are jacked up.



Posted on 8/31 11:22 AM | IP: Logged

Good work Cro. What's up with the hair thing with those "guys"? I guess all of them are just trying to match with their ear rings.

Cro, could you give us the bios of the croc coaches?

Posted on 8/31 11:25 AM | IP: Logged

Funny, very funny. Thanks for the laughs.

Posted on 8/31 11:38 AM | IP: Logged

Now that's funny. Awesome job CRO.



Posted on 8/31 11:53 AM | IP: Logged

laughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughIs that a beanie on Brandon Spikes' head?laughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaugh



Posted on 8/31 12:10 PM | IP: Logged

I'm going to have to pin this thread for a while. Cro makes up some good stuff.



Posted on 8/31 12:31 PM | IP: Logged

Funniest thing I have seen since Ms. South Carolina.

"Start sucking up to him now. By this time next year, he'll be the man to see for a great deal on a used car."

Priceless.



Posted on 8/31 1:18 PM | IP: Logged

Winner and still chammmm-peen. Great stuff.

Posted on 8/31 6:23 PM | IP: Logged


Originally posted by seminolephil:
If this doesn't get Tomahawked, I don't know what will

Great stuff cromag!



Not kidding. This is brilliant ! roll



Posted on 9/1 12:11 PM | IP: Logged


Pure comedic genius! I can't stop laughing.



Posted on 9/3 9:15 AM | IP: Logged

Chris Hetland(K) graduated. Just saying. The replacement(Ijas) looks as equally 13.

Since none of this actually has anything to do with any of their talent, I actually thought this was a little funny.



Posted on 9/6 3:31 PM | IP: Logged


Originally posted by missnlife:
Chris Hetland(K) graduated. Just saying.


You might want to let the folks back at goaterbait know they need to update their depth chart.

I was being overly generous in regards to their talent.

Link: Florida depth chart according to goaterbait


Posted on 9/6 10:58 PM | IP: Logged

roll



Posted on 9/9 12:02 AM | IP: Logged


Originally posted by cromagnole:
I was being overly generous in regards to their talent.


That's fine. It would be silly of me to argue talent levels on the offensive side of the ball at this point.

Like I said, funny stuff anyways.



Posted on 9/9 6:37 PM | IP: Logged


Originally posted by warriortim:
I may be wrong here but we did not recruit Louis Murphy very hard at all if at all!? I coach in Pinellas County and that kid was a waste of a scholly IMHO. He had some "look test" but he was a distraction to his team and went off on coaches and players after we spanked them. I still cannot believe he has the scholly much less is listed as a starter!?


Good call.



Posted on 11/24 8:29 PM | IP: Logged


Originally posted by GatorMarc:




Originally posted by warriortim:
I may be wrong here but we did not recruit Louis Murphy very hard at all if at all!? I coach in Pinellas County and that kid was a waste of a scholly IMHO. He had some "look test" but he was a distraction to his team and went off on coaches and players after we spanked them. I still cannot believe he has the scholly much less is listed as a starter!?




Good call.



laugh

Here's another good call:

"Percy Harvin- The talent. If anything happens to this kid, the Gators couldn't find the endzone with three roadmaps, an advanced GPS system and a full search party."

Yeah- we only scored 5 TDs against FSU that weren't by Percy Harvin.



Posted on 12/3 9:40 AM | IP: Logged

Louis Murphy
Height: 6-foot-3
Weight: 190 pounds
Hometown: St. Petersburg, FL

Yeah, we've never heard of him either.

Have you heard of him him now? 12 points scored by Louis Murphy against that vaunted and Ahem..."UNCONQUERED" defense.

That was actually pretty funny for most of them. You are a funny guy, and I do mean funny haha, not funny queer. I hope you have all of the different ones you've done, I would love to see them on the NB sometime. Good luck in your bowl game guys, Kentucky isn't a gimme anymore. Who would have thought that?



Posted on 12/4 1:25 PM | IP: Logged

The amazing part is a dumb gate talking about humility when gates don't even know the meaning of the word.

This post was edited on 2/23 6:22 PM by seminole64

12/4 1:39 PM | IP: Logged

Originally posted by Gator Pastor:
It truly is amazing how much smack you fans talk after takin a beat down... not to mention its been 4 in a row! Have a little humility and realize you suck and wish you had the roster that UF does... not to mention a coach who actually coaches!


I would be the first Nole to post in this thread since Sepetember, it's truly amazing how frickin slow the collective gate fanbase is, try a little reading comprehension next time.



Posted on 12/5 8:08 PM | IP: Logged


Originally posted by Gator Pastor:
...not to mention a coach who actually coaches!


They have a coach who coaches.

Say Noles, who's that Kickers' Coach you have out there? He sure is a good one.



Posted on 12/6 12:26 PM | IP: Logged

Meyer only coaches the special teams, and then barely at that. No offense, no defense so STFU as you sound like you don't know shit about football.

BTW - I too can pay $15.00 for a pastors license(link below).

Link: pastor for $14.95


Posted on 9/30 9:39 AM | IP: Logged

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